PicturesquePlans

My goal in life is not to go to college and become a high-paid, well-known graphic artist. My goal is to be happy and remain happy with myself and my choices. I do not and will not live my life according to anybody else and what they say or do, with the exception of one person and one person only. I think and feel for myself, a realization I made just mere hours ago. For once in my life I didn't cry because I messed up. I felt nothing, because I knew that I do what I feel is right for me, not what I know others want me to do. My whole life everything I did was through the people around me. But now I can safely say that my thoughts are my own. My feelings are my own. Which lead me to the conclusion that the scariest thing I've been feeling for some time is very real, and 100% my own. And it is only scary because it is so powerful. And despite how powerful it is, I am happy to finally understand that I wasn't just being influenced by my surroundings once again. This time I am certain that it is all me, and everything related to this in the past has been me as well, I just wasn't aware of it. I hope that this scary realization is something I share with you, or will share with you soon, because it is probably the most important thing in my life. I guess you could say this thing is my real goal; an expansion on just being happy. More like a how I will go about being happy, or what exactly it is that will make me this happy. I know that not much will change right away. I am still in this house, so close to the thing I need most, and so painfully far away from getting it. I am grasping at straws these days to get just the slightest taste of how this happiness will feel when I can actually enjoy it, and yet I have tried to no prevail. I know it will taste so much sweeter without the tease, but for this I cannot wait. In all fairness, I feel as if I have waited long enough already. I want it. I will not give up until I have it. And if for some tragic reason I will never be able to even taste it, I might as well just starve myself. Because nothing will ever compare.